Separations from someone dear to us are among the hardest experiences in life. We normally hear the word separation in a professional context.
- Someone decides to leave a company.
- Someone gets fired.
- A founder and a co-founder part ways.
These are certainly difficult moments. But this article is not about professional separations.
This is about personal separations.
The separation of two people who once decided to walk together. The separation of two hearts. The separation of a relationship that once carried dreams, hopes and promises.
Can we prevent some separations?
During my own period of inner transformation, I made a vow.I wanted to make meaningful efforts to
make this planet a happier place, save lives and, wherever possible, save relationships.
That thought eventually became one of the foundations behind HabitZup™ Innovations | Helping People Think Better. The HabitZup Strategy Game, I’m NOT Busy book and Kalmpass.com are all reflections of this larger thought.
Help people pause -> Reflect -> Become conscious -> make better choices.
And perhaps, prevent some avoidable pain.
I have seen separations within my extended family. Some relatives went through divorce. Some remarried. Some decided to remain single. As an observer, I have seen the pain that some of them went through during those difficult periods. At the same time, I am genuinely happy to see that they have found their own paths and are leading their lives today.
But it made me wonder:
Is there a way to prevent some of these separations before they happen?
Not every separation can be prevented. And not every relationship can necessarily continue. But perhaps some relationships could have been saved if the people involved had the right guidance, awareness and support at the right time.
Precautions before the journey
In my culture, elders traditionally look at compatibility between a prospective couple before marriage. Astrology is one of the tools sometimes used for this.
My father is a retired teacher and also an astrologer. From what I have observed over the years, there is a certain level of confidence in his readings. But there is something interesting about the way my father approaches love marriages.
If two people have already decided to connect their hearts, he generally doesn’t insist on looking at their horoscopes.
His reasoning is simple: “If two hearts have already decided to connect, why should we interfere?”
I found that thought quite beautiful. For arranged marriages, compatibility can be considered as a precaution. For love marriages, the hearts have already made their choice.
Different traditions may use different methods. Astrology may be meaningful to some and not meaningful to others. But beneath all of this is a larger principle:
Before making a lifelong commitment, take the time to understand the person, the relationship and the life you are choosing.
Karma, responsibility and divine grace
Spiritually speaking, I believe that every one of us comes into this life with our own prārabdha karma — experiences that we are meant to face in this lifetime. But being conscious also means understanding that, through our choices, we can create additional karma.
This is where personal responsibility becomes important.
We may not have control over everything that happens to us. But we do have a responsibility for how we respond.
When two people misunderstand each other, anger can create more anger. Ego can create more ego. Hurtful words can create wounds that take years to heal.
But patience, forgiveness, compassion and honest communication can change the direction of a relationship.
This is one reason my teachers have always emphasised living consciously.
In my lineage, marriage is regarded as a sacred commitment, and divorce is strongly discouraged except in situations where a person’s safety is seriously threatened, such as physical abuse or danger to life.
The intention is not to trap someone in suffering. The intention is to encourage people to make the effort to understand, heal and resolve differences before giving up on a relationship.
I have personally been involved in conversations between friends and extended family members where relationships were going through difficult periods. Whenever I was able to play even a small role in helping two people understand each other, I felt deeply grateful.
I don’t see those moments simply as my achievement. I feel God placed me there for a reason.
Sometimes, the problem was not that they didn’t love each other.
The problem was that they had stopped talking. Or they were talking, but not listening. Or a small misunderstanding had been allowed to grow for months and years.
Perhaps that is one of the purposes behind the inner transformation I have gone through.
I had made a personal vow to make meaningful efforts to make this planet a happier place, save lives and, wherever possible, save relationships. And sometimes, saving a relationship begins with something very simple:
Getting two people to sit down, listen to each other and talk. One honest conversation at the right time can prevent years of pain.
Perhaps that conversation itself is also part of God’s order.
Live a conscious life — not a Reel life
One of the biggest challenges today is comparison. We see somebody else’s marriage on Instagram. Somebody else’s proposal. Somebody else’s vacation. Somebody else’s romantic relationship. Somebody else’s “perfect family”. And we quietly compare it with our own life.
But social media shows moments. It doesn’t show the conversations behind those moments, disagreements, compromises, the effort required to keep two people together.
Don’t build your real life by comparing it with somebody else’s Reel life.
Take a timeout. Talk. Listen. Understand. Heal. And settle differences before they become walls. Settle differences before going to bed, every night.
Are we teaching our children how to build a family?
This is another concern I have. Many parents teach their children
- How to score marks.
- How to get into a good college.
- How to get a job.
- How to earn money.
But how many parents consciously teach their children how to build a happy family?
- Where do children learn about patience, tolerance?
- Where do they learn that two people can disagree and still love each other?
- Where do they learn about common goals?
- Where do they learn that marriage requires work?
Movies certainly influence young minds. There are movies that teach us how to live. There are also plenty that teach us how not to live. But our children need adults who can help them distinguish between the two.
They need guidance.
What our elders tried to give us
I often go back to the reasons our elders built certain practices into our lives.
- Temples.
- Guru-shishya traditions.
- Self-reflection.
- Meditation.
- Prayer.
- Healing practices.
- Community.
These were not merely rituals without purpose. For many people, these practices created pauses in everyday life.
A place to become quiet, to reflect, to surrender.
A place to reconnect with something larger than ourselves.
For me, daily prayer and regularly visiting a temple are meaningful practices. They create a psychological and spiritual pause.
I worry that when we completely ridicule such practices, we may unintentionally take away some of the foundations that helped previous generations deal with life’s difficulties.
We should certainly question practices that are harmful or unjust.
But perhaps we should also understand the purpose behind practices before discarding them.
Love is universal
My Gurus have strongly spoken against caste divisions. To me, this is important.
Love is universal. Human dignity is universal. And the spiritual idea that there is a divine nature within every human being is far more powerful than the labels we create around ourselves.
Sanatana Dharma, as I understand it, points toward Eternal Truth and a way of living consciously—not merely toward social divisions. Perhaps this is exactly the kind of foundation our children need today.
More understanding. More compassion. More consciousness.
Parents of Gen Z have a responsibility
If you are a parent, perhaps one of the most important gifts you can give your child is not another course.
It is a foundation for life.
Teach them:
- How to communicate.
- How to tolerate differences.
- How to choose a life partner thoughtfully.
- How to build common goals.
- How to become self-motivated.
- How to take a timeout when emotions are high.
- How to heal themselves.
- How to apologise.
- How to forgive.
- How to ask for help.
- How to seek guidance from trusted elders or professionals.
And perhaps most importantly:
Teach them that relationships need conscious effort.
Before marriage, understand what you are choosing
I also believe that young people need honest conversations about intimacy, relationships and chastity.
My personal belief is that avoiding intimate relationships before marriage can reduce some of the emotional complications that may arise when relationships end and a different life partner is eventually chosen.
But this conversation should happen through education and understanding, not fear or shame. Young people deserve to understand the emotional consequences of their choices.
Every choice has consequences. And maturity is learning to think about those consequences before making the choice.
College is also a preparation ground for life
To every college student reading this:
- Your college years are precious.
- You are there primarily to learn, develop skills, discover yourself and prepare for your future.
- Your parents are investing their time, money and hopes in you.
- Build yourself first.
- Learn a skill.
- Build your character.
- Understand who you are.
- Learn how to handle disagreements.
- Learn how to communicate.
- Learn how to become financially and emotionally responsible.
A relationship may happen during this journey.But don’t make finding or (get influenced by someone) a partner the primary purpose of your college life.
Your life is precious. And it matters deeply to your parents, your family and your friends.
And what if separation still happens?
Sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, separation happens. Before marriage, Gen Z may call it a breakup.
And today’s popular culture often gives a very simple answer: Break up. Move on. Find someone else.
I find that approach incomplete. A human being is not a replaceable product. A relationship is not simply an app that can be uninstalled and replaced. When a relationship ends, there can be grief. There can be confusion, anger, self-doubt.
There can also be learning. So don’t rush into the next relationship simply to escape the pain of the previous one.
Take time. Understand what happened. Heal. Learn. And become a better version of yourself.
And if the relationship can still be repaired, seek help.
Talk to someone trustworthy. A wise elder. A counsellor. A qualified professional.
Someone who can help both people see beyond their immediate emotions.
One important exception
I also want to be very clear about something.
Saving a relationship should never mean tolerating abuse.
If there is physical abuse, serious threats, coercion or danger to someone’s life, safety must come first. Seeking professional, legal or emergency support may be the right course of action.
Saving relationships does not mean sacrificing people. It means preventing unnecessary suffering wherever possible.
Perhaps the real answer is consciousness
Maybe we cannot prevent every separation. But we can certainly work toward preventing avoidable separations.
- By preparing our children better.
- By teaching them emotional maturity.
- By encouraging honest conversations.
- By building spiritual and reflective practices.
- By choosing partners thoughtfully.
- By learning to pause.
- By asking for help before the problem becomes too big.
- And by remembering that behind every relationship are two human beings carrying their own experiences, fears, expectations and dreams.
Let’s not judge them. Let’s help them. Let’s grow responsibility. Let’s help each other.
Because sometimes, the greatest relationship we save may not just be between two people.
It may be the relationship between a person and life itself. ❤️
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